dolla coins

You never knew why you felt so good in the strangest of places

I barely write anymore and it’s kind of a shame. I’m thinking it’s time I start doing it again…I need it.  

A lot is weighing on my mind right now.  I have lost a job before, but I knew that it was a possibility before.  This time, the carpet was ripped from under me. I was totally blindsided by the whole thing and it stung and hurt some for awhile, and it still does a little bit, even though it’s all for the best.  I think it’s made worse when you work in an industry like politics, and everybody knows everybody.  So inevitably, you have to tell everybody that no, you cannot help them with their questions about your campaign anymore.  

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It’s not fair that you get to be under my skin. 

It’s not fair that I had feelings for you and you can put up a wall and just “play around” with me.  It’s entirely my fault for getting attached to you and leading myself down this path that leads nowhere good, but it’s still not fair. It’s not fair that I have to overhear conversations between you and your ex. It’s not fair that I had to find out that you slept with someone else and it wasn’t me…and wasn’t ever going to be me.  

It’s not fair that you get to be unscathed, sitting at home alone on your couch watching TV for hours, only opening up to the world when you want to. It’s not fair that I’m the one who has to be hurt, and I can’t even tell you about it because I know it would only hurt me more.  

It’s especially not fair that every fiber of my being has to resist reaching out to you, speaking to you, sending you a text, wanting you to comfort me about the very things that you did that hurt me.  

It is not fair that I’ve been vulnerable and you know it.  And I still am. I am young, vibrant, and hopeful, while you consider yourself old, jaded, and angry. But I’m the one who has to be hurt. 

It’s not fair, and it does hurt. 

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a movie. A good one. A new one.  You know how a really good movie can give you a new lease on life? Can alter your perspective? Make the world seem bigger, better, and brighter? I have missed that feeling that a good movie can give you.  

I’m not much of a movie person, but it still strikes me from time to time.  I leave the movies feeling magical, like anything could be possible, and it feels like it is.  

It could be because I don’t watch movies that often, but it could be a rare quality that some movies possess.  Maybe it’s one of those simple pleasures I’ve missed for awhile.  

I’ve been hung up on making choices, and trying to understand what I’m “really” feeling about a situation, and the reason for my feelings. There’s a reason for it—I want to make sure I make the right decisions, that I choose happiness for myself above all else, that I move forward. Sometimes you’re afraid of relaxing too much and letting things be, because not all problems fix themselves.  But you can also miss out on being in the moment.  

You can miss out on feeling like “damn, life is beautiful” like I did tonight. Regardless of the big decisions there are to make, the big things hanging over me, all I can do is be here right now.  A watched pot never boils, and the answers don’t come any quicker when I think about how confused I am.  What I can do is have faith that in time, everything will come to light.  I can only feel how I do—and I know it when I do.  

So why not appreciate the beauty of the process? 

in the words of Queen B…

Beyonce has a couple of bits in “Life is But a Dream” where she’s all “intimate with camera” and not wearing much makeup and says shit like “I’m scared, be scared, allow it, release it, move on.” 

So, I’m gonna be all like “I had a shitty day that did not turn out the way I expected, i’m gonna feel like shit, allow it, release it, and move on.” 

Thanks, B. 

vintage.

So I had a day. One of those days where you intend to do everything, but can’t manage to do much of anything. It was raining. I was tired & uninspired.  

I felt stuck, and started thinking about the days and days on end that I would be spending, not really going anywhere. You know, typical walls hit by people seeking employment.  

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they come, they come

to build a wall between us

we know that they won’t win


I heard this song in Starbucks today, and it was a blast from the past. It reminds of being 19, driving home late at night, and not having a care in the world except chasing a good time. I hope I never forget that feeling. 

"this is not the time to lose faith in yourself"

Last week, I listened to lots of campaign and political operatives frankly discuss searching for jobs and life situations between campaigns.  There was knowing, awkward laughter in our crowd when one of them said, “I slept on a couch for 7 weeks and it stunk, and then I got a shitty job on The Hill, and I was still broke … I had some really sad times.” 

Though this woman has a great career now, it was an awkward laughter because she’s been in our shoes. She was sad, and now she knows we’re sort of sad. But hopeful, too. She told us to hustle, and most of us will. 

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imwithkanye:

I couldn’t have been the only one that imagined Hillary as Jenna Maroney from 30 Rock…

THIS. IS. EVERYTHING.

imwithkanye:

I couldn’t have been the only one that imagined Hillary as Jenna Maroney from 30 Rock…

THIS. IS. EVERYTHING.

After today's oath of office

  • Sasha Obama: Good job Dad.
  • Barack Obama: I did it.
  • Sasha Obama: You didn't mess up.
  • LOVE.